Take it from a divorced father of 4: No American should have kids unless they’re absolutely sure.
What is pronatalism? Couple at center of movement explains
Simone and Malcom Collins explain their views on pronatalism, and why it’s become a movement.
- The U.S. birth rate is declining, leading to workforce shortages and other societal impacts.
- A pronatalist movement has sprung up to pressure more young Americans to have kids. Some have even suggested paying women to give birth.
- But what’s good for society isn’t always ideal for an individual.
Have you heard of the “pronatalist movement?”
It’s a fancy name for what we used to call “guilt tripping,” aimed at urging young people to have more babies.
Pronatalists say the nation is facing a population decline that will collapse American society as we know it. Sorta reminds me of when my mother used to pressure me about having kids to “carry on the family name.” (“You know, son, your sister has two, but they’re not ‘Moores.’”)
Listen, I’m sure the “make more people” people have a point, but as a 40-something, divorced father of four young kids, I can say with absolute certainty to anyone considering whether to have children: Don’t do it unless you’re absolutely certain.
The numbers suggest that’s exactly what’s happening.
The U.S. birth rate has been declining for about a decade, except for a 1% increase during the pandemic. (Go figure.)
Birth rates are down across Arizona and the nation
There were only 3.6 million births in 2023, according to the most recent federal data. The general fertility rate was slightly more than 54 births per 1,000 females between the ages of 15 and 44, a record low.
Birth rates were down in nearly all categories: teens, women in their early 20s, women between the ages of 20 and 39.
The decline has been especially sharp in Arizona, where the birth rate was down a whopping 31% from 2001-2010 averages, according to Pew Charitable Trusts.
Economists and demographers predict the steadily declining numbers will cause all sorts of problems, including workforce shortages and reduced tax revenue for local and state budgets. Plus, an aging population will strain doctors and hospitals without younger people to help provide care.
Clearly, the pronatalists have a point. But what’s good for society isn’t always ideal for an individual.
And take it from me, once you have a kid, you’re no longer an individual. Your time isn’t your own. Your money isn’t your own. Your schedule isn’t your own. And, if you’re a woman, your body isn’t your own.
Parenting is tough. Know what you’re getting into
American society is gonna do what it does, and it’s not your responsibility to save it. (And if you think it is, I know a couple of therapists who can treat a messiah complex.)
And your family legacy might be important, but Grandma isn’t going to raise your kids. (She might not even babysit.)
Remember that as Donald Trump’s advisers are calling for $5,000 checks for women who give birth.
That’s nice, but $5,000 wouldn’t cover formula and diapers, let alone the cost of a crib, a car seat, baby clothes, all those special lotions, doctor visits or preschool. (It could maybe pay for one of those gender reveal parties where expecting parents get covered in pink or blue powder. But we won’t worry about what happens if one of those kids decides to switch genders in high school.)
Elon Musk is perhaps the most prominent pronatalist. And if he’s the president of the movement, he’s also a client, so to speak.
Musk practices what he preaches as a father of 14 kids by four different women.
My four kids, for whatever it’s worth, all have the same mother. Not that I’m judging anyone else’s family structure, but you can imagine my shock as a Black man that conservatives are taking advice about family planning from Musk, an African immigrant with a bunch of kids by a bunch of women.
Don’t have a family because Elon or Trump said so
Bottom line, having a kid today isn’t the same as it was in previous generations.
Conversations about racism, sexism and gender issues are vastly more complex.
Public schools are crumbling, and the charter school bureaucracy practically requires a degree in paperwork.
And did I mention how much everything costs? I could easily spend $5,000 on basketball camps for my sons or twice that much on dance lessons for my daughters.
All that, and I still haven’t bought a protractor or a compass, nor have we talked about putting money away for college.
It should go without saying, but these factors only apply if you actually want to be a good parent. If you’re just out here making kids that you don’t intend to take care of, that’s another conversation.
Please don’t take this as a criticism of Musk or anyone else with a large family. By all means, have all the kids you can afford.
But don’t grow a family because the government or Elon or your mom told you to.
I love my kids. But only have them if you’re certain
Raising children changes you in every way you can imagine and many that you can’t.
It’s not easy. It’s not always fun. And sometimes, you just want to hide in the bathroom until everyone turns 18.
And if this doesn’t sound like something you want any parts of, I don’t blame you.
I wouldn’t trade being a father for anything, but I’m not advising anyone to rush into parenthood, either.
Don’t do it unless you’re certain.
Reach Moore at gmoore@azcentral.com or 602-444-2236. Follow him on X, formerly Twitter, @SayingMoore.
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